My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
