I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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