Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
be right there i have to get my cape
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
