if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
