So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
