I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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