Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Randomize
