i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
