Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my shit smells like andre
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
