You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
