literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
