Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
