I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
