So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
