i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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