In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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