I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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