I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
