He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
