We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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