Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
