my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The uberlube is also flammable
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
