she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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