She is in my trunk
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
