I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
