this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
These tits shall not be calmed
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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