She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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