did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
time to smoke my breakfast
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
