you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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