Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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