Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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