And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
