It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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