I seem to have left my pride at pride
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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