For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
