She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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