____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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