apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
