i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
