So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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