if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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