i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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