Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
