My friends, they love my intelligence
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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