I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
