Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
