Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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