Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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