How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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