I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
