I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
